This came from no where

So, I'm totally not a poet and have never written anything and I don't know if this is anything but it just all kind of came to my head...

He, I

He walks in the room,
I melt
He kisses me,
I get butterflies
He runs through my mind,
I lose my breath
He touches my skin,
I get chills
He looks in my eyes,
I get lost
He holds me,
I am safe
He is patient,
I am thankful
He speaks,
I listen
He leaves,
I can't wait for the moment he returns
He knows my heart,
I know his
He is good to me,
I get tears in my eyes
He loves me
I love him

there ya go...

February Update

Measurement Chart

Okay, so if you check out the updated chart- there are a few small improvements and in some instances, no change at all. I am satisfied with the results so far. Everything isn't going to happen all at once. My body is a work in progress. :-) I am making it to the gym 4 - 5 times a week. This is good. I am watching what I put in my body. This no caffeine thing is doing me good. I have maybe 1 or 2 7ups/sprites a week. And actually I am out of them here at the house so I prob won't be having any at all now. For breakfast I have a bowl of cereal and some juice or milk. Then for lunch I am eating like 300 calories and that's it. And for dinner, it varies. Granny usually cooks or I do or we do, sometimes I go out to eat. When I go out to eat, I try to be careful about what I choose to eat. There was one week in January I didn't make it to the gym but like once or maybe twice. It was the week I went to Vegas with James. It was just a busy week. And of course the food in Vegas is GOOD! Upon our return, I felt so gross.

So, with all this said- I will keep on treckin!

i suck but it's not all my fault...

I haven't been blogging... but I didn't have internet at my house for almost 2 whole weeks, and in that I also spent a weekend in Vegas (a very bad eating and workout weekend).

Other then that one week, I have been pretty good on eating and working out. :-)

I'll get back to blogging. Promise. And measurement time comes up this weekend.

ME: right here & now

Measurement Chart

in double 07

First off- HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I pray that for those of you that know Jesus, learn to love Him even more then you already do and for those of you that do not know Him, know that He loves you no matter what!

Ok, so I am writing this thing to share my resolution with all to know... in this, you guys get to keep me accountable!
I am writing a resolution this year in hopes of growing closer to God, my father. I want it all to be laid down at the foot of His cross and it is an attempt to be done in His name as a form of praise and love. With that said, I am going to jump right on in!

1. I am giving up all caffine... yes, this does include chocolate. For those of you that know me- know that this is going to be very difficult. But, I have faith with God on my side, I can disipline myself to not even think about it nor desire to even eat or drinking it (I absolutely adore Starbuck's hot chocolate...) I do not need to energy from anything but the Lord. He is my strength.
2. I am working out... on a daily basis. I know this is so typical and in everyone's resolution. haha... I know, I know!!! But it is different. I don't have just one goal with this one. Of course I want to be in shape, feel good and look good. I will be and have a rock star body!!! Just kidding... kind of. And I know you're asking, "and how is this any different from every other ameriacan on the planet?!?" It is, I promise. So, my other goal. It is to train, learn, and discipline myself and my body. I am training myself to do something and want to do something because I have a desire. I am going to do it because I do not want to be lazy anymore. I do not want it to be a habit to go to the gym, I want to want to go and I am going to get it done and look back and say, "I DID IT!" I don't like having all these want to's and I wish I would have's. I want "I did that."
3. I also want to live right here and right now. I am in no way promised tomorrows breath. That is a good chance I will go to bed tonight and not wake up tomororw as well as there is a good chance I will go to bed tonight and wake up tomorrow and continue. But I don't want to look at tomorrow, I am sitting right here and right now on this computer in my Granny's living room typing this blog and that is exactly where my brain should be. I don't want to dream of tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, ect... you get the point. I have a bad habit of looking and dreaming of the future- but how is that living??? That's not living at all- that's dreaming. I am commanded to be satisfied in right now, what the Lord has given to me. Side note: Don't get me wrong, I am not going to forget of tomorrow or yesterday. I will still plan things and pray for the desires of my heart- which sometimes involves the future. And some things I do have to wait for because the Lord has His will, HIs plan, His story for me. It's all been written and I will be right here and right now.

All of these are things I desire of myself. I desire to be disiplined and a person of my word. I want to be like Christ. I don't want to fall into habit, which is what I do on a daily basis. I want this discipline I am and will continue to learn to fall into all aspects of my life: work, relationships, finances, and most important of all, my relationship with God. I want to pray everyday all day long. I don't want it to just be on my way to work because it's convient for me. And then when vacation or the weekend rolls around, I just don't do it because I didn't have my 30 minute drive to work. I want do pray because that is my special time I get to spend with God.

I love Jesus... that's all I got.

growth

I am learning things about myself. God is teaching me. He is constantly opening my eyes and making me more aware of myself. Some of these things I don't really care to know and other things it's been fabulous learning. He shows me a lot of things through other people: my family, my kids at work, my friends, my past, and mostly- James.

My heavenly father uses James constantly so show me myself: flaws and gifts. I have seen some of my selfish ways come out with him (my past shows me a lot as well- but I usually don't see things in my past until James has shown me so). My manipulations, my worldliness, my obsession of money, my unchanging ways, my laziness, my reasons for anything... I could continue on but I think my pride (another one) will stop me here. :-) The Lord is growing me through all this though. I have asked the Lord on several occations to show me my heart and to show me the things in my heart that harden me. And I don't do this on a daily basis because it is hard. No one really wants to face these things. No one really wants to take the hard, dirty road. But those who love Christ want to become more Christ like and desire obedience in God and this includes listening to Him and asking forgiveness of yours sins, all sins no matter how big or how small we may think they are. I have issues trusting God. I keep a graps on things pretty tightly and don't like to let go- when I do let go, I often grab back quite quickly. ...I have totally derailed from my original purpose of this blog...

Back to James- this Man of God that I am in a dating relationship with. James and I have been dating for almost 6 months now. I can honestly say, my heart began stirring June 3rd. The Lord placed that in me and grew a love for him quickly. He is this amazing man. Don't get me wrong, I don't have him on a petistool because he is flesh and is flawed with sin. BUT, he is good to me. He's not some neat Christian guy that I am dating. He is a God seeking man that loves Jesus. He loves me. He treats me with respect and kindness. He honors me and values me. He listens to what I have to say and does his best to remember. He is learning me. And by that, I mean he is trying and working to understand who I am, how I feel, and why I think the way I do. He is honest and not fake. He tells me what he is thinking (even when I don't want to hear it and I want him to be fake and tell me everything will be alright! lol). He is smart, he is funny, and he is so handsom. He argues with me. He asks me "why" even when I don't want him to. He has this look with his eyes and his smile that makes my eyes water because I can see his heart and I can see his feelings for me and it overwhelms me with joy and love. He tries and doesn't give up. He will not go to bed mad at me nor will he allow me to do it either. He tells me his feelings for me and shows me through his everyday and out of the ordinary day actions. He is so good to me. I am truely blessed by my Father to have him in my life. I do not know if James is forever because I do not know the will of God but I do know the desires of my heart and that is for James to always be my beloved until I go home to Jesus. James is worth every second of heartache I have gone through with past boys and I see now why God gave me all that pain. I asked for the Lord to prepare my heart for my future and I feel all that heartache was on purpose. I feel the Lord is still growing my heart, but growing it for James. I love him and I am excited about every second I have with him.



Thank you Father for your grace.

growth

I am learning things about myself. God is teaching me. He is constantly opening my eyes and making me more aware of myself. Some of these things I don't really care to know and other things it's been fabulous learning. He shows me a lot of things through other people: my family, my kids at work, my friends, my past, and mostly- James.

My heavenly father uses James constantly so show me myself: flaws and gifts. I have seen some of my selfish ways come out with him (my past shows me a lot as well- but I usually don't see things in my past until James has shown me so). My manipulations, my worldliness, my obsession of money, my unchanging ways, my laziness, my reasons for anything... I could continue on but I think my pride (another one) will stop me here. :-) The Lord is growing me through all this though. I have asked the Lord on several occations to show me my heart and to show me the things in my heart that harden me. And I don't do this on a daily basis because it is hard. No one really wants to face these things. No one really wants to take the hard, dirty road. But those who love Christ want to become more Christ like and desire obedience in God and this includes listening to Him and asking forgiveness of yours sins, all sins no matter how big or how small we may think they are. I have issues trusting God. I keep a graps on things pretty tightly and don't like to let go- when I do let go, I often grab back quite quickly. ...I have totally derailed from my original purpose of this blog...

Back to James- this Man of God that I am in a dating relationship with. James and I have been dating for almost 6 months now. I can honestly say, my heart began stirring June 3rd. The Lord placed that in me and grew a love for him quickly. He is this amazing man. Don't get me wrong, I don't have him on a petistool because he is flesh and is flawed with sin. BUT, he is good to me. He's not some neat Christian guy that I am dating. He is a God seeking man that loves Jesus. He loves me. He treats me with respect and kindness. He honors me and values me. He listens to what I have to say and does his best to remember. He is learning me. And by that, I mean he is trying and working to understand who I am, how I feel, and why I think the way I do. He is honest and not fake. He tells me what he is thinking (even when I don't want to hear it and I want him to be fake and tell me everything will be alright! lol). He is smart, he is funny, and he is so handsom. He argues with me. He asks me "why" even when I don't want him to. He has this look with his eyes and his smile that makes my eyes water because I can see his heart and I can see his feelings for me and it overwhelms me with joy and love. He tries and doesn't give up. He will not go to bed mad at me nor will he allow me to do it either. He tells me his feelings for me and shows me through his everyday and out of the ordinary day actions. He is so good to me. I am truely blessed by my Father to have him in my life. I do not know if James is forever because I do not know the will of God but I do know the desires of my heart and that is for James to always be my beloved until I go home to Jesus. James is worth every second of heartache I have gone through with past boys and I see now why God gave me all that pain. I asked for the Lord to prepare my heart for my future and I feel all that heartache was on purpose. I feel the Lord is still growing my heart, but growing it for James. I love him and I am excited about every second I have with him.



Thank you Father for your grace.

my heart

I'm in love. Not only am I in love, but he is in love with me. God has blessed my life, at least for the time being, with a Godly man. He is all that I have been asking for. I don't know what I did to deserve him but I've got him and I don't want to let him go. I ask my Father in prayer to take him away if this isn't what He wants because I wouldn't ever be able to let him go... So far so good. He has his reasons for all and I am not sure what His purpose is but I am open to His will and cannot wait to see where this goes- heartache or euphoria. He is good!

Some people in our lives have expressed concern for our verbal and outword expression of our love... We are in love and we tell each other how we feel! We are in no rush to go get married or anything of the sort... But our hearts desire one another. I love him, I love being around him, I love his kisses, the sound of his voice, the way he looks at me, all the things he does for me... you name it... He is a servant to the Lord and through that serves me... I just pray that I am doing the same for him...

My wish- everyone get off our backs and just pray for us and support us... When we make mistakes- yeah call us out but for saying we love each other because we are not engagged... come on... I think you should say how you feel if you feel like it is appropriate!! Anyway... enough venting and confessing my feelings...

Jesus loves us all... and I love Him

just something

god is good. He makes me smile.