Expectations, Community, & Life Update

Expectations:

Lately I have felt a lot of pressure, pressure from a variety of sources and different kinds of pressure. For example- the pressure of being a good wife. I create them myself mostly. But I do get them from James. His are pretty reasonable and I want to fulfill them all, sometimes though I feel like that is impossible because there are just not enough hours in the day (I know there really are- I just have to prioritize...). Then, there is the call of being a Godly wife. This is the most important. I so desire to be a good, Godly wife. What in the crap-o-la does this look like? I did not grow up in that environment- I have not seen that played out in any detail. I mean, I have met some really godly women in the past few years but I just see snip its of their life and their role as a wife. So, my question and prayer is how do I do this?

I also have these expectations as a teacher. Sometimes there is just so much that I need or have to do that I cannot, and I mean cannot do it all. I tried explaining to James the other day of how I could litterally stay at work all night long and be busy constantly in my room doing things for my kiddos to prepare for them, clean, organize, ect... I mean, I feel like my job is never ending. I love my job, so I am not sitting here complaining or thinking of changing my profession but it can be so much. When I don't stay late or don't bring my work home (which I try to never do) I feel bad or guilty.

Then I feel like I have friends and family pressure. "come see us" "I'm too busy to talk to you" (<- someone said this to me) "We do need to hang, let me check with James on our schedule" That's all for that one. I don't actually feel a lot of pull on this one but this does bring me to my next topic with some major heart strings being pulled....

Community:

Sara since James and I have gotten married Sara has almost been my only community. James has been continuing to go to his singles small group (with all my blessing of course!) so Tuesday night has been Casey & Sara date night. We usually go watch Andrew practice skating for ice hockey, then hit the gym, and then dinner. This is a typical Tuesday for us. I look forward to Tuesdays because Sara has been so good about continuing our friendship. I have randomly talked to some people here and there but not much, just Sara. A friend of mine that has been a really good friend for a long time hasn't even bothered to call me... I have tried to call her several times. Her response was a myspace message (by the way for my birthday I got a myspace & facebook comment too) saying "Hey! I feel bad I have not responded back to your phone calls. I spend all freaking day on the phone listening to people's stories that its really hard when I get home to think about having to speak with someone on the phone; I barely even talk to Kyle in person. I am just drained. Do not get me wrong, I LOVE my jobs. I have to force myself to speak to my mom. We'll chat one of these days. Hope things are fab!" It's whatever is all I've got to say to that. And I would tell her whatever but that would require some type of communication. My girls at work have been amazing. Part of the reason I love going to work is because of the people I get to hang out with all day long. They definately help me stay normal. haha. :-) Sometimes teaching in the spring, when the weather is getting warmer- or we're wanting it to get warmer- it's like stinkin hard to get through a day without having to step out of the room. SIDENOTE: Look at the awesome FREEHAND picture I drew for my kids, infront of my kids: Then here's my Abe Lincoln:

His hat is a little messed up the kiddos loved it... It's not as good as George. :-)
Anyway, back to what I was really talking about. James and I have been going to a new home group for the past 3 weeks or so. It's been alright. It's only been 3 weeks again so I can't expect a whole lot yet. We just don't know them nor them know us and that takes time. It's going to take being transparent to see some community there. We are praying, please feel free to join us in that. :-)

Life Update:

James and I are doing well. We've now been married for 2 whole months. We're learning and loving more each and every day. I love being married and so does he. We make mistakes but we try to learn and grow and change.

Work is good. Again, the kids can be trying but I love them all dearly and I love watching them grow and learn more and more each day! Today was class picture day. :-) I scored a PERFECT score on my evaluation... this is AWESOME news!

Couch update- we decided not to buy the couch as well as waiting on the kitchen table. I have a student loan and car loan. God lead me in making the decision of if we were to buy now or wait till we are debt free. He told me very clearly to pay our debts first. So, that is what we are doing. And we plan on doing it as quickly as we can. So, this month we knocked out almost 1/3 of both loans combined!!! New couch here we come! haha. :-)

Now for the really rough stuff. I feel like I need to lay it all out there. In August I went to the doctor for my "well woman" exam and test results came back low risk of servical cancer. Well, further test showed that I did not have cancer but it was made very clear that I need to come in multiple times a year to be retested. So, I recently went back and had the same test done. This time my results came back high risk of cancer. So, James and I go in on Tuesday afternoon to have further test run. They have to take cells and do a biopsy on them. It'll probably take another week or so to get those results back. Best case senario- I don't have cancer and will do this all over again in 3-4 months. Worst case senario- I have cancer, it's bad and I have to have all my babymaking parts removed and go through cemo. We are obviously pray for me to have no cancer. But likely I am feeling like I am going to have cancer- not so badly that I can't have babies but where the do the outpatient procedure and just cut the end of my cervics off and I go home and will still be able to have a baby. Honestly, this is an answered pray for James and I. Not that I might have cancer but that I feel I need the Lord. Lately I have been feeling SO dry and distant from God. We've been praying for something or someway for me to get back into the word and talking to the Lord.... we'll He answered that pray. It's just not in the most ideal way. He will provide all that is needed and is in everything. He makes no mistakes and His way is far more perfect then I could ever dream up.

So, here it all is. It has taken me a few weeks to write and finish all of this... but hope you enjoyed reading! Love to all & God bless!